Saturday, May 30, 2015
No Matter What, Just Keep Going
Absolutely, without a doubt, the single greatest possession you have is your will to survive. When darkness encroaches, when clouds of doom start bellowing above, when you can hear the thunder and your bones start to shake, the ability to say "F%$^K you, I'm not going down like this" is the most precious thing in the world. To have the concept within your mind in times of darkness that "If I'm gonna go out, well then I'm gonna go out punching and kicking and shouting and raising hell" is worth more than all the gold in the world. You can either be filled with fear and dread. Your physical body will be in a negative biological and hormonal state, filled with cortisol etc. Or you can get angry. It's not exactly enlightenment, but its a step in the right direction.
Just start picking up the pieces. You might be totally shattered, but just one by one, try your best to be productive towards getting yourself back in shape. Just start putting all the big pieces back together. Get the fundamentals of your inner engine meshing together again. Then you can focus on the finer details. But get those fundamental processes up and running. To me, it's all about physical and mental health really. Once those are up and running, you're set to go dealing with the other issues in life. But it can be pure hell.
For some reason, when things go haywire, the mind seems to blank out or be reset somehow. It's like starting all over again. And there's a feeling of not being able to drag yourself through life. The energy has been zapped out of you. This lifeless feeling. The colours of life start to fade. The feeling gets sucked out and you can feel a void. In this time, the only thing that seems to spur me on is anger. Thats the fuel. But when your running on anger as fuel, negative behaviours manifest out of this negative state. Whats inside comes out. But what can you do? You cant just skip the que to feeling good again. Youve gotto go through the process. The key is to one day get back to some sort of enlightenment and good feeling place within.