Sunday, July 20, 2014
What is Emotional Intelligence?
One thing that I've noticed more and more now is that you become what you think. Your thoughts slowly develop into habits, actions, your overall character etc. This would be the inside working it's way out to the world as your expression. A good thought on the inside will eventually work it's way out as a positive action to the outside world. Same goes for a negative thought.
Now, the reverse of this would be the outside world acting inwards on the self. Negative events always seem to drain good feeling inside. Positive events give good feeling to the soul. Just like good organic food gives life and energy to the body, and junk food drains physical health. It's the outside source acting it's way inward. You've just got to pick the outside sources that make you feel better.
And this, to me, really is what emotional intelligence is about. It is the ability to accurately detect whether you feel good or bad after putting your focus on something. Do you feel good or bad when you watch the news? Do you feel good or bad when you hang around with complete assholes? Do you feel good or bad when you watch an inspiring movie? Do you feel good or bad when you hang around great friends?
There are an awful lot of people who seem to be tuned in to a high degree on all the negative things in the world. Wars, violence, disasters etc. Sometimes it's even an attempt at compassion which is commendable. But what I see more and more is that it tends to fill a person with hate and overall negative feeling, and they will start hating pretty much anything. Everything becomes a conspiracy. It is a fascination with the problem. The "problem" is that focusing on the problem always tends to leave too large of an imprint on the self. No solution is found. In essence you become the very thing that you are so focused on. You "become" the problem. It starts to own you.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else — you are the one who gets burned.” - The Buddha
The biggest change I made to myself after years and years of anger and even obsession with" the brutal world" was to say "Fine there's loads of shit in the world, but get over it, and find your happiness". I started focusing on all the good things in the world. The good movies. The good music. Good books. Good friends. A job that made life seem better. Anything that made me feel better. The outside acting in. But the key is also to work from the inside out. I started choosing better thoughts. I stopped beating myself up all the time. I would think to myself "Hmmm, all my fear seems to have disappeared. I feel good inside. I'm a good guy". Some of it was pure bluff, but the more I said it the more I believed it and the more I became it.
It's just really looking at life from a different angle. And choosing to focus on the solutions and good things in life. Become the good example that people will be inspired to be. There's an awful lot of pointing at the problem going on, so why not buck the trend and be that person who points at the solution, who says"This way guys, I think we'll all feel better if we just go this way!" Because I'm pretty sure that we weren't born to feel terrible everyday of our lives. Start feeling good. Emotional intelligence isn't some highly sophisticated thing that the word "intelligence" seems to imply. I think it's just the ability to make yourself feel good.